Inner Messenger

I love my "inner messenger," which I'm told is really called my higher self or my consciousness. Sometimes it pushes me, without words of course, to do something in a particular way. Sometimes it guides me to do something out of the ordinary. Sometimes it just tells me to be still and avoid doing anything. It's a wonderful thing.

Mostly I listen, but sometimes I don't.

Why not listen always?

Well, there are a few factors involved with being an "in tuned active listener."

1. The need to pay attention and be aware.

2. The need to trust the message.

3. The need to be able to stand up to those who question or doubt.

4. The need to be strong and eliminate fear.

I can remember when I first recognized that my inner messenger, my higher self, had spoken to me. After this experience, I was able to connect all the times throughout my life when I had "heard" it and either listened or ignored. But at this one point, I became absolutely aware and could acknowledge that there was a messenger, in my heart, which told me things in a very subtle but recognizable way.

I was driving down to town in a 1976 VW SuperBeetle. The year was 1993. The place, the Pocono Mountains. My husband (ex) was sitting in the passenger seat. I downshifted and put on the blinker to make a right hand turn that would cut across an approaching fork in the road and eventually take me to the same intersection at a different place. It wouldn't save time or trouble in any way. I did it because, without thinking about it, something inside me told me I should. It just made me feel more comfortable. My husband complained: Why would you do this? What does it help? This doesn't make sense! It will add time! I switched off the blinker and drove on without turning, while he continued to argue his point. Within several feet of driving past the turn I had intended to make, a school bus passed us going the other direction on the two lane road. A child on the bus threw a rock from the bus window and shattered the windshield of the VW.
My response was, "If only I had listened to myself, and not you, this wouldn't have happened." Of course, I was angry - at myself, at my overbearing husband, at the child and the bus. But, I was also just beginning on a path towards enlightenment and it didn't take long for the anger to change into, "Ah-ha."

I know now that the point of this experience was purely to teach me about my inner messenger, about the obstacles that I must face in order to listen, and about the unhappy experiences I won't ever know were right around the corner because I listened.

Had I turned, the only lesson I might have received would have been to avoid taking my husband in the car, or to wear ear plugs.

Still, I have to admit, I don't always listen. What my inner messenger tells me doesn't always make sense: I get the urge to pack something odd in my suitcase for a trip, or stick unusual things in my purse before work, or I feel the need to complete something way ahead of time. I always find out why later on. I have also taken those odd things back out of my suitcase and my purse, and put off doing things ahead of time, and I eventually find out why I should have listened. Those are just a simple examples, but it kind of works that way, in all types of situations.

What I try not to do is berate myself too much for not listening. No one is perfect. The thing is, those small, insignificant experiences are good lessons. They keep me aware of that inner messenger that "speaks" through feeling, or pure thought, and not words. The more familiar that guiding voice gets, I believe, the more likely I am to listen when something really important is at stake.